It is amazing to reflect back and recognize how terrible I felt. Each day now I feel so much better than the day before and with that I am incredibly happy.
We are officially two weeks past the last chemo treatment. I am able to walk up the stairs with minimal impact. My hair is slowly growing in and resembles the hair of an infant. I've been able to work 8 hours a day in the office. I am able to walk around a store without panting.
The only real issue I'm waiting to resolve, but has improved, is the neuropathy in my hands and feet. After the last treatment - my toes and fingers were numb and cold. It felt like a hammer had hit each finger and toe nail. My sensitivity to cold and especially hot was off the charts. Now - the tips of my fingers and toes are still sensitive and my feet/hands 'buzz' and can be painful but SO MUCH BETTER.
I've taken to not wearing hats and wigs in public. They hurt my head, make me sweat and just in general irritate me. Now that I'm feeling better the surprised, confused looks don't bother me as much. Children are cute as they try to understand why a girl would not have any hair. Older adults smile knowingly and will give me 'pep talks'. There are some younger adults that don't seem to know how to handle the situation or what to think. Bless them - I'm happy they have not been touched by cancer yet in their lives.
My check up with Legant went well - my blood counts are slowly returning to normal but my liver continues to struggle. This is normal with Taxol so we are hoping time will resolve things. I've had my two radiation simulations - one at Huntsman and the second at Daybreak. Surprisingly the thing that bothered me the most in both situations is that they drew all over me with marker. It makes me feel a little 'dehumanized' but in the big scheme of things - I'd rather be drawn on every day for 6 weeks than have another chemo treatment. It is all about perspective.
Radiation starts at Daybreak on Monday and I'll have treatment every Monday - Friday with the last session on May 3rd. The first time period is at 1130 on Monday but luckily they anticipated my need to be at work and they made the rest of next week at 0830 with everything after that starting at 0800. This will make it so much easier to continue working without interruption.
Every day I am happier and healthier. I'm slowly coming back to myself. Thank you for all your love and support during this journey!!
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Bye Bye Chemo
I've never been more relieved or felt prouder of an accomplishment than I do to be FINISHED with Chemotherapy.
It was hard fought. Between the seventh and final infusion, I hit an all time low mentally/emotionally/physically. I wasn't rebounding my strength and couldn't understand why I was so knocked down. I wanted to work...be a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend...but my body would not cooperate. It seemed to me that my mind and desire should prevail and win the battle but it was losing. I walked into the final chemo treatment still sick and a little frightened about what that meant.
Alan and I went to the appointment together. Dr Legant reviewed my numbers and everything looked fine. I had a new symptom related to the neuropathy. My foot was 'falling to sleep' when I was sitting and when I went to stand up - it didn't respond. So...I fell. Not a big deal but was the beginning of my fingers and toes going numb/cold. Dr. Legant was concerned but decided that since we were at the end...we should continue with the last treatment.
Treatment was uneventful - other than the final certificate of completion and gift of a blanket to celebrate. The infusion team has become like family and it was a sweet little moment.
Now we have other events to look forward to as well. The port is removed on Thursday. :) I'm so excited to have it gone. March 12th we meet with Dr. Gaffney and prepare for the start of radiation.
It feels like I should wax philosophical...and while I could share all of the learnings from this experience so far...I'll refrain. Suffice it to say...I've learned a great deal and while I can't yet say I'm grateful for the experience...I recognize that I am forever changed by it. Mostly for the better.
I am humbled and grateful for friends and family who have literally carried me along. As my strength and determination would start to ebb...they have been there with a thoughtful note, phone call, email, gift or activity to look forward to. My bedroom is even decorated for 'Spring' and is bright and sunny thanks to our friends. It makes me smile every time I look at it.
I'm also grateful for the love and support of a good man. He has been there to hold me when I cry and whisper together about our hopes/dreams as well as our fears before going to sleep at night. He's listened to every symptom and minor complaint without trying to fix anything...just listened. I would never have chosen to put him through the last 6 months but there is no one I would have wanted by my side more. I love you, Alan.
So the journey continues and I look forward to the milestones ahead - finishing radiation, the second mastectomy and reconstruction surgery. Working out and feeling healthy! And HAIR!
It was hard fought. Between the seventh and final infusion, I hit an all time low mentally/emotionally/physically. I wasn't rebounding my strength and couldn't understand why I was so knocked down. I wanted to work...be a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend...but my body would not cooperate. It seemed to me that my mind and desire should prevail and win the battle but it was losing. I walked into the final chemo treatment still sick and a little frightened about what that meant.
Alan and I went to the appointment together. Dr Legant reviewed my numbers and everything looked fine. I had a new symptom related to the neuropathy. My foot was 'falling to sleep' when I was sitting and when I went to stand up - it didn't respond. So...I fell. Not a big deal but was the beginning of my fingers and toes going numb/cold. Dr. Legant was concerned but decided that since we were at the end...we should continue with the last treatment.
Treatment was uneventful - other than the final certificate of completion and gift of a blanket to celebrate. The infusion team has become like family and it was a sweet little moment.
Now we have other events to look forward to as well. The port is removed on Thursday. :) I'm so excited to have it gone. March 12th we meet with Dr. Gaffney and prepare for the start of radiation.
It feels like I should wax philosophical...and while I could share all of the learnings from this experience so far...I'll refrain. Suffice it to say...I've learned a great deal and while I can't yet say I'm grateful for the experience...I recognize that I am forever changed by it. Mostly for the better.
I am humbled and grateful for friends and family who have literally carried me along. As my strength and determination would start to ebb...they have been there with a thoughtful note, phone call, email, gift or activity to look forward to. My bedroom is even decorated for 'Spring' and is bright and sunny thanks to our friends. It makes me smile every time I look at it.
I'm also grateful for the love and support of a good man. He has been there to hold me when I cry and whisper together about our hopes/dreams as well as our fears before going to sleep at night. He's listened to every symptom and minor complaint without trying to fix anything...just listened. I would never have chosen to put him through the last 6 months but there is no one I would have wanted by my side more. I love you, Alan.
So the journey continues and I look forward to the milestones ahead - finishing radiation, the second mastectomy and reconstruction surgery. Working out and feeling healthy! And HAIR!
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