A year later – and we have hopefully crossed the finish line in regards to this journey.
Last blog post - I was healing from the second mastectomy and had the drains in place. As is my stubborn way, the drainage did not decrease very quickly and I was left with one for over 4 weeks. I return to work
with a beautiful little 'purse' I wore every day to hide the drain.
Toward the end of the four weeks - I was feeling very ill. I thought I had the flu as it was going around the office. I went down for three days and then decided 'I am better' and took myself to work. On the way to the office - I threw up after suddenly becoming ill. I didn't even make it out of my poor truck.
We started to worry that I had some sort of infection and went into see Dr. Agarwal. As I undressed for the appointment, Alan pointed out that I was covered with a rash. Come to find out - the Sulfa based antibiotic I was changed to caused a delayed allergic reaction. I was so relieved not to have an infection and was soon feeling better again.
With the drama - Dr Agarwal decided to pull the drain out. I again had a seroma (collection of fluid) that had to be drained by needle a few times. This time it was a bit more challenging as the fluid collected almost under the expander. A couple of doctors and a nurse had to work on draining it and still had difficulty.
Eventually - I finally healed and was feeling SO much better! I was working and feeling strong - and even went on a trip with Brittany to Seattle for her job interview. It was nice to walk around the town and not get tired out. I felt 'whole' for the first time in a very long time.
With the challenges I had with the recovery from the second mastectomy - the doctor advised us to move up reconstruction to October 1st. This time the surgery took place at the U of U hospital (due to space issues with the OR). Alan again stayed with me overnight in the room which always gives me a great deal of comfort. The Dr. warned us that we might have a longer stay with this surgery due to the need to move the latissimis muscle from my back, pull it under my arm and across my left breast to ensure proper blood flow for the radiated skin.
It took a while to find just the right medications. I was on Morphine and Lortab in intervals and was awake most of the night, just waiting for the next dose. In the morning, we changed to Oxycodone with Morphine and eventually just Oxycodone and that worked very well. I was able to eat, take my walk in the hall and was released that afternoon.
That said - pain was something that was challenging to manage. Alan, of course, ensured I was on a good schedule and that I took them at night which helped me stay ahead of the pain for several days. For whatever reason - I always think I'm ready to 'wean off' earlier than I actually am and that caused some problems but after about a week, I was down to non-narcotic painkillers and doing well.
The surgery required three drains on the left side this time - and none on the right. I was able to have one removed at the one week check-up and another was removed today about two and a half weeks later. The one in my back remains but I'm hopeful that we'll see that one come out sooner than we have in the past. I'm being very good and trying not to move my arm in repetitive motions. I plan to return to work next week (with or without drain) and then hopefully real life will resume.
As long as the surgery recovery continues to go well and we are pleased with the 'results' - this should be the last one. There will be some decisions related to nipple reconstruction which will either be a minor surgery with tattooing - or a trip to New Orleans for 3D tattoos. At this point, I want to feel better and get back to being myself. Travel for work without worrying about my stamina or immunities. Working out and getting back down to my goal weight!!
Many thanks for all your love and support!! I was carried along by my friends and family. I've said it before - and it remains true today- I've been forever changed by the experience. In some ways for the better - in other ways - just changed but am grateful for what this experience has taught me. I'm hopeful I can remember the lessons and not repeat them in the near future. This will hopefully be my final post.
Much Love and Gratitude. Nannette
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Friday, August 2, 2013
Second Mastectomy and More Pathology
As we discussed - Alan and I made the tough decision to proceed with a second mastectomy on the right breast. A lot of factors went into this decision including the fact that the cancer in the left breast was larger/more advanced than we originally thought with a surprise second tumor. Also - the desire to not have to endure another round of chemo in the future was a factor.
It took a little bit to convince all of the doctors. My oncologist felt strongly that the risk of the surgery itself was greater than the chance of contracting cancer in the other breast - as having breast cancer in one doesn't automatically mean the other will too. In the end - we thanked her for sharing her opinion but we were determined to follow through.
Having been through the surgery before - we knew what to expect, knew what to pack and knew that I wanted Alan to spend the night with me in the room. Which - he graciously did. It was a long night of bells, alarms, medications and vitals but I did very well handling the pain and was released the next day.
We were both very glad to be home but nights were still challenging as my pain medications were still given every 2-3 hours. Alan faithfully charted them out for me and set the alarm...giving them to me very patiently. I will admit to trying to wean off the medication a little too fast - which caused a call to the doctor. We were able to get back ahead of the pain but that night we received a call from my breast surgeon with the pathology results from the breast tissue.
We were stunned to hear that breast cancer was detected in the right breast. It was only 2mm in size and thus did not show on any of the tests - MRI, Mammograms, Ultrasounds and PET Scans. Unlike the other side - this was not invasive carcinoma - but DCIS (Ductal Carcinoma In Situ). Which means the cancer hadn't yet started to 'invade' other cells. It was also a Grade 1 cancer - meaning not yet destructive/aggressive and DCIS is considered Stage 0. While we are still waiting to meet with the breast surgeon to discuss in more detail - we are pretty sure the early stage and the fact that there were no close margins to be worried about means that chemo will not be necessary - or even radiation. The mastectomy took care of the risk. Before we pat ourselves on the back for our wonderful luck and decision making skills- we'll see what the surgeon has to say on Tuesday but we are hopeful.
Now it is all about healing and the dreadful drains. I have two again this time and I, of course, hate them. They hurt, are uncomfortable and it is nearly impossible to put clothes over them. Last time it took 6 weeks to be able to remove the last one and I am doing everything in my power to not have it go that long again. Unfortunately - we aren't off to the best start. I went into the plastic surgeon to review the drain output log and was certain they would remove one of the drains today. The assistant - Dr. Blagg - reviewed the log and agreed the one looked ready to come out. Drain #1. Yay. He felt so confident that he started the procedure without Dr. Agarwal. As soon as he snipped the stitch that holds the drain in place...he said 'uh oh'. That wasn't the right drain. Typically the first drain to be removed is the top drain...but they'd labeled mine backwards and the bottom drain was the one that looked good to come out. He left to go get the doctor.
Dr. Agarwal came in and explained that he wasn't comfortable removing even the one drain because the drain on the top should be the first to clear up. So - they numbed me up and restitched the drain back in place...and I went home with both drains. I may have said one or two bad words in the doctor's office. Or more. Alan did remind me on the drive home that 'life isn't fair'...to which I may have said a couple more bad words...directed at him this time. Yeah - I get the whole 'life isn't fair' concept. I'm like the walking embodiment of the phrase. Good thing he loves me in all my cranky glory and actually just laughed in response.
So - what's next. Lots of healing time. Once the drains are out - the expansion will start on that side. We are thinking close to October, we should be ready for the final surgery - reconstruction. It will be quite extensive as well - with having to remove a muscle somewhere on my body to cover/protect the skin damaged by radiation to ensure proper blood flow. It will be just over a year since the beginning (August 2012)that we plan to close this chapter of our lives. :)
It took a little bit to convince all of the doctors. My oncologist felt strongly that the risk of the surgery itself was greater than the chance of contracting cancer in the other breast - as having breast cancer in one doesn't automatically mean the other will too. In the end - we thanked her for sharing her opinion but we were determined to follow through.
Having been through the surgery before - we knew what to expect, knew what to pack and knew that I wanted Alan to spend the night with me in the room. Which - he graciously did. It was a long night of bells, alarms, medications and vitals but I did very well handling the pain and was released the next day.
We were both very glad to be home but nights were still challenging as my pain medications were still given every 2-3 hours. Alan faithfully charted them out for me and set the alarm...giving them to me very patiently. I will admit to trying to wean off the medication a little too fast - which caused a call to the doctor. We were able to get back ahead of the pain but that night we received a call from my breast surgeon with the pathology results from the breast tissue.
We were stunned to hear that breast cancer was detected in the right breast. It was only 2mm in size and thus did not show on any of the tests - MRI, Mammograms, Ultrasounds and PET Scans. Unlike the other side - this was not invasive carcinoma - but DCIS (Ductal Carcinoma In Situ). Which means the cancer hadn't yet started to 'invade' other cells. It was also a Grade 1 cancer - meaning not yet destructive/aggressive and DCIS is considered Stage 0. While we are still waiting to meet with the breast surgeon to discuss in more detail - we are pretty sure the early stage and the fact that there were no close margins to be worried about means that chemo will not be necessary - or even radiation. The mastectomy took care of the risk. Before we pat ourselves on the back for our wonderful luck and decision making skills- we'll see what the surgeon has to say on Tuesday but we are hopeful.
Now it is all about healing and the dreadful drains. I have two again this time and I, of course, hate them. They hurt, are uncomfortable and it is nearly impossible to put clothes over them. Last time it took 6 weeks to be able to remove the last one and I am doing everything in my power to not have it go that long again. Unfortunately - we aren't off to the best start. I went into the plastic surgeon to review the drain output log and was certain they would remove one of the drains today. The assistant - Dr. Blagg - reviewed the log and agreed the one looked ready to come out. Drain #1. Yay. He felt so confident that he started the procedure without Dr. Agarwal. As soon as he snipped the stitch that holds the drain in place...he said 'uh oh'. That wasn't the right drain. Typically the first drain to be removed is the top drain...but they'd labeled mine backwards and the bottom drain was the one that looked good to come out. He left to go get the doctor.
Dr. Agarwal came in and explained that he wasn't comfortable removing even the one drain because the drain on the top should be the first to clear up. So - they numbed me up and restitched the drain back in place...and I went home with both drains. I may have said one or two bad words in the doctor's office. Or more. Alan did remind me on the drive home that 'life isn't fair'...to which I may have said a couple more bad words...directed at him this time. Yeah - I get the whole 'life isn't fair' concept. I'm like the walking embodiment of the phrase. Good thing he loves me in all my cranky glory and actually just laughed in response.
So - what's next. Lots of healing time. Once the drains are out - the expansion will start on that side. We are thinking close to October, we should be ready for the final surgery - reconstruction. It will be quite extensive as well - with having to remove a muscle somewhere on my body to cover/protect the skin damaged by radiation to ensure proper blood flow. It will be just over a year since the beginning (August 2012)that we plan to close this chapter of our lives. :)
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
The Next Phase - 1 Test and 2 Surgeries
With Radiation over, we are looking forward to the next phase of this journey.
My hair is growing back! I'm please to report my eyebrows are both back - after falling out one at a time. That was a good time. I again have eyelashes and the hair on my head is thicker. It is still very short but now looks like a choice versus an unfortunate accident. I'm looking forward to it no longer sticking straight up. Unfortunately - the hair on my face is growing back and my complexion is no longer beautiful. I feel like I'm 15 years old battling teenage acne again.
My strength continues to improve. It feels good to be able to walk quickly again and go up and down stairs without tremendous impact. My desire for sleep continues to be all consuming with a need to sleep 10 hours every night. The neuropathy is still there but the pain is much less. It feels good to be able to stand for longer periods of time without it hurting and to wear high heels again.
We've met with Dr. N (Breast Surgeon) and Dr. A (Plastic Surgeon) to discuss the second mastectomy. It was agreed that this was a good decision based on the cancer stage, the hidden second tumor and aggressive nature of the cancer cells. There will be a follow up appointment (early July) to schedule the surgery date (end of July). The last surgery - reconstruction will be around the month of October after sufficient healing time. We plan to take a family vacation in between to enjoy the summer.
Yesterday we met with Dr. L (Oncologist) and went over my numbers. My white blood cell count is continuing to improve. I'm just under 3000 with normal being between 4000 to 6000. I am able to fight infection but this could explain my continued fatigue. The only outlier continues to be my liver enzymes which are still lower than they should be. This and an unexplained 10lb weight loss prompted the decision to do an abdominal CT scan to determine if I have 'fatty liver' and to rule out liver cancer. This will happen next Tuesday and the results will be given on Thursday.
I start my 5 years of Tamoxifen this week which is a maintenance drug designed to 'hook' onto cancer cells instead of estrogen. This will in essence starve any remaining cancer cells by not feeding them the estrogen which makes them grow. I'm not looking forward to this but understand the necessity.
In the meantime, I'm feeling good and back to my old self (almost). I enjoy working and being actively involved with my family life again. It was wonderful to participate in the Komen Race for the Cure and celebrate Breast Cancer survivors and their families - as well as honor those who have lost the battle. I was overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support. It was a sea of pink in every direction. Amazing.
My hair is growing back! I'm please to report my eyebrows are both back - after falling out one at a time. That was a good time. I again have eyelashes and the hair on my head is thicker. It is still very short but now looks like a choice versus an unfortunate accident. I'm looking forward to it no longer sticking straight up. Unfortunately - the hair on my face is growing back and my complexion is no longer beautiful. I feel like I'm 15 years old battling teenage acne again.
My strength continues to improve. It feels good to be able to walk quickly again and go up and down stairs without tremendous impact. My desire for sleep continues to be all consuming with a need to sleep 10 hours every night. The neuropathy is still there but the pain is much less. It feels good to be able to stand for longer periods of time without it hurting and to wear high heels again.
We've met with Dr. N (Breast Surgeon) and Dr. A (Plastic Surgeon) to discuss the second mastectomy. It was agreed that this was a good decision based on the cancer stage, the hidden second tumor and aggressive nature of the cancer cells. There will be a follow up appointment (early July) to schedule the surgery date (end of July). The last surgery - reconstruction will be around the month of October after sufficient healing time. We plan to take a family vacation in between to enjoy the summer.
Yesterday we met with Dr. L (Oncologist) and went over my numbers. My white blood cell count is continuing to improve. I'm just under 3000 with normal being between 4000 to 6000. I am able to fight infection but this could explain my continued fatigue. The only outlier continues to be my liver enzymes which are still lower than they should be. This and an unexplained 10lb weight loss prompted the decision to do an abdominal CT scan to determine if I have 'fatty liver' and to rule out liver cancer. This will happen next Tuesday and the results will be given on Thursday.
I start my 5 years of Tamoxifen this week which is a maintenance drug designed to 'hook' onto cancer cells instead of estrogen. This will in essence starve any remaining cancer cells by not feeding them the estrogen which makes them grow. I'm not looking forward to this but understand the necessity.
In the meantime, I'm feeling good and back to my old self (almost). I enjoy working and being actively involved with my family life again. It was wonderful to participate in the Komen Race for the Cure and celebrate Breast Cancer survivors and their families - as well as honor those who have lost the battle. I was overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support. It was a sea of pink in every direction. Amazing.
Monday, April 8, 2013
Radiation - So Much Better Than Chemo
Without a doubt, Radiation is much better than Chemo so far.
Every Monday - Friday, I get up and ready for the work day. I drive over to Daybreak for my 0800 appointment. When I get there, I walk back to the radiation area and change into a hospital gown (from the waist up). The ladies take me back and have me lie down on a hard metal table which is covered with a sheet. It has the form of my upper body that was made during simulation. Arms are placed above my head - right hand on left...and my head turned to the right.
Once a week, they will do x-rays to ensure the machine is still lined up appropriately and that the radiation is going to the right areas. They line me to a couple laser beams which they put on the 4 tattoos (pin head sized) on my body. They move me slightly with the sheet placed on the metal bed.
After that - the machine will change position three times and radiate me. It is as painless as an x-ray. After 5-10 minutes, I'm up and out...getting redressed. To date - there have been no side effects that I'm aware of...other than my skin being a little sensitive in that area. Dr. Gaffney (radiation doc) meets with me every Tuesday to ensure I'm handling the treatment well.
In the meantime, my other side effects are starting to slowly improve. The neuropathy is much better. My fingers/toes and hands/feet are only slightly sensitive - mainly in the very tips. My hair is absolutely fascinating. I swear it seems to grow every day - kind of like a chia pet. It still doesn't look 'normal' but I'll take it. The white baby 'fluff' is still on the ends but I can see my dark hair starting to come in - except at my temples which appears to be completely white naturally. Who knew?
In the meantime, my eyelashes and eyebrows have decided that it is their turn to fall out. I've stopped trying to put mascara on the remaining four lashes because that only makes me look crazier. If you look closely, squint your eyes and turn your head just right...you can see white baby eyelashes growing in. I tried false eyelashes but by halfway through the day...they fall off or I take them off in annoyance.
I'm getting stronger every day and feel so much better than the day before. I am back to being able to work full shifts and long days without major impact. I am also able to walk up stairs without stopping to catch my breath at the top. Alan no longer needs to slow down to accommodate my slow gait.
Working out has been a little tougher but each day I can feel it getting closer to fruition. I'm thinking it will be either this week or next that the routine will come back (or at least slowly starting to build at a slow walk on the treadmill). My family is both happy to have 'Healthy Me' back..and a little remorseful. 'Healthy Me' wants to do things like clean the house, weed the flower beds and other various chores...but my strength requires that I can only instruct/supervise them. They liked it better when my big activity for the day was watching TV. :)
Alan and I decided to follow the sun this weekend and drove to Vegas in his new truck. We spent Saturday by the pool in 89 degree weather. To me - the sun now means health and feeling better after a very long, difficult winter. I loved it! I was careful to cover my bald head and radiation area...as well as apply 85 SPF sunscreen everywhere else.
Spring is here!! Or at least just around the corner...and I've never been happier to see it.
Every Monday - Friday, I get up and ready for the work day. I drive over to Daybreak for my 0800 appointment. When I get there, I walk back to the radiation area and change into a hospital gown (from the waist up). The ladies take me back and have me lie down on a hard metal table which is covered with a sheet. It has the form of my upper body that was made during simulation. Arms are placed above my head - right hand on left...and my head turned to the right.
Once a week, they will do x-rays to ensure the machine is still lined up appropriately and that the radiation is going to the right areas. They line me to a couple laser beams which they put on the 4 tattoos (pin head sized) on my body. They move me slightly with the sheet placed on the metal bed.
After that - the machine will change position three times and radiate me. It is as painless as an x-ray. After 5-10 minutes, I'm up and out...getting redressed. To date - there have been no side effects that I'm aware of...other than my skin being a little sensitive in that area. Dr. Gaffney (radiation doc) meets with me every Tuesday to ensure I'm handling the treatment well.
In the meantime, my other side effects are starting to slowly improve. The neuropathy is much better. My fingers/toes and hands/feet are only slightly sensitive - mainly in the very tips. My hair is absolutely fascinating. I swear it seems to grow every day - kind of like a chia pet. It still doesn't look 'normal' but I'll take it. The white baby 'fluff' is still on the ends but I can see my dark hair starting to come in - except at my temples which appears to be completely white naturally. Who knew?
In the meantime, my eyelashes and eyebrows have decided that it is their turn to fall out. I've stopped trying to put mascara on the remaining four lashes because that only makes me look crazier. If you look closely, squint your eyes and turn your head just right...you can see white baby eyelashes growing in. I tried false eyelashes but by halfway through the day...they fall off or I take them off in annoyance.
I'm getting stronger every day and feel so much better than the day before. I am back to being able to work full shifts and long days without major impact. I am also able to walk up stairs without stopping to catch my breath at the top. Alan no longer needs to slow down to accommodate my slow gait.
Working out has been a little tougher but each day I can feel it getting closer to fruition. I'm thinking it will be either this week or next that the routine will come back (or at least slowly starting to build at a slow walk on the treadmill). My family is both happy to have 'Healthy Me' back..and a little remorseful. 'Healthy Me' wants to do things like clean the house, weed the flower beds and other various chores...but my strength requires that I can only instruct/supervise them. They liked it better when my big activity for the day was watching TV. :)
Alan and I decided to follow the sun this weekend and drove to Vegas in his new truck. We spent Saturday by the pool in 89 degree weather. To me - the sun now means health and feeling better after a very long, difficult winter. I loved it! I was careful to cover my bald head and radiation area...as well as apply 85 SPF sunscreen everywhere else.
Spring is here!! Or at least just around the corner...and I've never been happier to see it.
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Feeling Better - On To Radiation
It is amazing to reflect back and recognize how terrible I felt. Each day now I feel so much better than the day before and with that I am incredibly happy.
We are officially two weeks past the last chemo treatment. I am able to walk up the stairs with minimal impact. My hair is slowly growing in and resembles the hair of an infant. I've been able to work 8 hours a day in the office. I am able to walk around a store without panting.
The only real issue I'm waiting to resolve, but has improved, is the neuropathy in my hands and feet. After the last treatment - my toes and fingers were numb and cold. It felt like a hammer had hit each finger and toe nail. My sensitivity to cold and especially hot was off the charts. Now - the tips of my fingers and toes are still sensitive and my feet/hands 'buzz' and can be painful but SO MUCH BETTER.
I've taken to not wearing hats and wigs in public. They hurt my head, make me sweat and just in general irritate me. Now that I'm feeling better the surprised, confused looks don't bother me as much. Children are cute as they try to understand why a girl would not have any hair. Older adults smile knowingly and will give me 'pep talks'. There are some younger adults that don't seem to know how to handle the situation or what to think. Bless them - I'm happy they have not been touched by cancer yet in their lives.
My check up with Legant went well - my blood counts are slowly returning to normal but my liver continues to struggle. This is normal with Taxol so we are hoping time will resolve things. I've had my two radiation simulations - one at Huntsman and the second at Daybreak. Surprisingly the thing that bothered me the most in both situations is that they drew all over me with marker. It makes me feel a little 'dehumanized' but in the big scheme of things - I'd rather be drawn on every day for 6 weeks than have another chemo treatment. It is all about perspective.
Radiation starts at Daybreak on Monday and I'll have treatment every Monday - Friday with the last session on May 3rd. The first time period is at 1130 on Monday but luckily they anticipated my need to be at work and they made the rest of next week at 0830 with everything after that starting at 0800. This will make it so much easier to continue working without interruption.
Every day I am happier and healthier. I'm slowly coming back to myself. Thank you for all your love and support during this journey!!
We are officially two weeks past the last chemo treatment. I am able to walk up the stairs with minimal impact. My hair is slowly growing in and resembles the hair of an infant. I've been able to work 8 hours a day in the office. I am able to walk around a store without panting.
The only real issue I'm waiting to resolve, but has improved, is the neuropathy in my hands and feet. After the last treatment - my toes and fingers were numb and cold. It felt like a hammer had hit each finger and toe nail. My sensitivity to cold and especially hot was off the charts. Now - the tips of my fingers and toes are still sensitive and my feet/hands 'buzz' and can be painful but SO MUCH BETTER.
I've taken to not wearing hats and wigs in public. They hurt my head, make me sweat and just in general irritate me. Now that I'm feeling better the surprised, confused looks don't bother me as much. Children are cute as they try to understand why a girl would not have any hair. Older adults smile knowingly and will give me 'pep talks'. There are some younger adults that don't seem to know how to handle the situation or what to think. Bless them - I'm happy they have not been touched by cancer yet in their lives.
My check up with Legant went well - my blood counts are slowly returning to normal but my liver continues to struggle. This is normal with Taxol so we are hoping time will resolve things. I've had my two radiation simulations - one at Huntsman and the second at Daybreak. Surprisingly the thing that bothered me the most in both situations is that they drew all over me with marker. It makes me feel a little 'dehumanized' but in the big scheme of things - I'd rather be drawn on every day for 6 weeks than have another chemo treatment. It is all about perspective.
Radiation starts at Daybreak on Monday and I'll have treatment every Monday - Friday with the last session on May 3rd. The first time period is at 1130 on Monday but luckily they anticipated my need to be at work and they made the rest of next week at 0830 with everything after that starting at 0800. This will make it so much easier to continue working without interruption.
Every day I am happier and healthier. I'm slowly coming back to myself. Thank you for all your love and support during this journey!!
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Bye Bye Chemo
I've never been more relieved or felt prouder of an accomplishment than I do to be FINISHED with Chemotherapy.
It was hard fought. Between the seventh and final infusion, I hit an all time low mentally/emotionally/physically. I wasn't rebounding my strength and couldn't understand why I was so knocked down. I wanted to work...be a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend...but my body would not cooperate. It seemed to me that my mind and desire should prevail and win the battle but it was losing. I walked into the final chemo treatment still sick and a little frightened about what that meant.
Alan and I went to the appointment together. Dr Legant reviewed my numbers and everything looked fine. I had a new symptom related to the neuropathy. My foot was 'falling to sleep' when I was sitting and when I went to stand up - it didn't respond. So...I fell. Not a big deal but was the beginning of my fingers and toes going numb/cold. Dr. Legant was concerned but decided that since we were at the end...we should continue with the last treatment.
Treatment was uneventful - other than the final certificate of completion and gift of a blanket to celebrate. The infusion team has become like family and it was a sweet little moment.
Now we have other events to look forward to as well. The port is removed on Thursday. :) I'm so excited to have it gone. March 12th we meet with Dr. Gaffney and prepare for the start of radiation.
It feels like I should wax philosophical...and while I could share all of the learnings from this experience so far...I'll refrain. Suffice it to say...I've learned a great deal and while I can't yet say I'm grateful for the experience...I recognize that I am forever changed by it. Mostly for the better.
I am humbled and grateful for friends and family who have literally carried me along. As my strength and determination would start to ebb...they have been there with a thoughtful note, phone call, email, gift or activity to look forward to. My bedroom is even decorated for 'Spring' and is bright and sunny thanks to our friends. It makes me smile every time I look at it.
I'm also grateful for the love and support of a good man. He has been there to hold me when I cry and whisper together about our hopes/dreams as well as our fears before going to sleep at night. He's listened to every symptom and minor complaint without trying to fix anything...just listened. I would never have chosen to put him through the last 6 months but there is no one I would have wanted by my side more. I love you, Alan.
So the journey continues and I look forward to the milestones ahead - finishing radiation, the second mastectomy and reconstruction surgery. Working out and feeling healthy! And HAIR!
It was hard fought. Between the seventh and final infusion, I hit an all time low mentally/emotionally/physically. I wasn't rebounding my strength and couldn't understand why I was so knocked down. I wanted to work...be a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend...but my body would not cooperate. It seemed to me that my mind and desire should prevail and win the battle but it was losing. I walked into the final chemo treatment still sick and a little frightened about what that meant.
Alan and I went to the appointment together. Dr Legant reviewed my numbers and everything looked fine. I had a new symptom related to the neuropathy. My foot was 'falling to sleep' when I was sitting and when I went to stand up - it didn't respond. So...I fell. Not a big deal but was the beginning of my fingers and toes going numb/cold. Dr. Legant was concerned but decided that since we were at the end...we should continue with the last treatment.
Treatment was uneventful - other than the final certificate of completion and gift of a blanket to celebrate. The infusion team has become like family and it was a sweet little moment.
Now we have other events to look forward to as well. The port is removed on Thursday. :) I'm so excited to have it gone. March 12th we meet with Dr. Gaffney and prepare for the start of radiation.
It feels like I should wax philosophical...and while I could share all of the learnings from this experience so far...I'll refrain. Suffice it to say...I've learned a great deal and while I can't yet say I'm grateful for the experience...I recognize that I am forever changed by it. Mostly for the better.
I am humbled and grateful for friends and family who have literally carried me along. As my strength and determination would start to ebb...they have been there with a thoughtful note, phone call, email, gift or activity to look forward to. My bedroom is even decorated for 'Spring' and is bright and sunny thanks to our friends. It makes me smile every time I look at it.
I'm also grateful for the love and support of a good man. He has been there to hold me when I cry and whisper together about our hopes/dreams as well as our fears before going to sleep at night. He's listened to every symptom and minor complaint without trying to fix anything...just listened. I would never have chosen to put him through the last 6 months but there is no one I would have wanted by my side more. I love you, Alan.
So the journey continues and I look forward to the milestones ahead - finishing radiation, the second mastectomy and reconstruction surgery. Working out and feeling healthy! And HAIR!
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Chemo #7 - One More to Go
Mentally and emotionally - this was the most challenging treatment so far.
It was hard to wrap my mind around going in and having the treatment again. Recognizing the work it takes to 'dig myself out' of the physical impact and to rebuild strength.
Alan went with me so that we could spend our Valentine's Day together and it was nice to spend the day with him. The night before, he brought me roses so that I could have something to look at this weekend. We celebrated our 25 year engagement anniversary on February 7th with a romantic dinner out. Unfortunately - I was not feeling very well but we still had a good time.
The treatment itself was non-eventful. Dr. Legant went over my numbers with us and I'm happy to report my liver enzymes are 'back to normal'. My glucose numbers are up but that likely has more to do with the chocolate kisses I ate the night before. Alan and I played Yahtzee and chatted. The treatment lasted from 0900 until about 2:30pm.
Recovery has been consistent with the other Taxol treatments. Friday - fatigue and nausea. Saturday - Monday - pain. Tues - Thurs - GI issues. We've gotten very good at managing the various drugs - knowing when to stop the anti-nausea pills and start the pain killers. Alan has his schedule and sets everything up for me. He even sets the alarm and wakes me up to 'stay ahead' of things. The neuropathy of my hands, feet and mouth continue and food/drink taste different - less appetizing but I'm still able to eat. :)
We set up our appointment with Dr. Gaffney - the Radiation Doctor for March 12th. We wanted to continue treatment and not take a break between chemotherapy and radiation. Basically - looking forward to getting this all behind us. Radiation will last for 6 weeks - and will take place every Monday - Friday. Reading the side effects - this should be much easier to manage through than the chemo.
The good news - we only have one more treatment left. One more time. I'm looking forward to having this milestone completed. It may well be the hardest thing I've ever done. The hardest thing we've ever done as a couple and a family. Almost there.
It was hard to wrap my mind around going in and having the treatment again. Recognizing the work it takes to 'dig myself out' of the physical impact and to rebuild strength.
Alan went with me so that we could spend our Valentine's Day together and it was nice to spend the day with him. The night before, he brought me roses so that I could have something to look at this weekend. We celebrated our 25 year engagement anniversary on February 7th with a romantic dinner out. Unfortunately - I was not feeling very well but we still had a good time.
The treatment itself was non-eventful. Dr. Legant went over my numbers with us and I'm happy to report my liver enzymes are 'back to normal'. My glucose numbers are up but that likely has more to do with the chocolate kisses I ate the night before. Alan and I played Yahtzee and chatted. The treatment lasted from 0900 until about 2:30pm.
Recovery has been consistent with the other Taxol treatments. Friday - fatigue and nausea. Saturday - Monday - pain. Tues - Thurs - GI issues. We've gotten very good at managing the various drugs - knowing when to stop the anti-nausea pills and start the pain killers. Alan has his schedule and sets everything up for me. He even sets the alarm and wakes me up to 'stay ahead' of things. The neuropathy of my hands, feet and mouth continue and food/drink taste different - less appetizing but I'm still able to eat. :)
We set up our appointment with Dr. Gaffney - the Radiation Doctor for March 12th. We wanted to continue treatment and not take a break between chemotherapy and radiation. Basically - looking forward to getting this all behind us. Radiation will last for 6 weeks - and will take place every Monday - Friday. Reading the side effects - this should be much easier to manage through than the chemo.
The good news - we only have one more treatment left. One more time. I'm looking forward to having this milestone completed. It may well be the hardest thing I've ever done. The hardest thing we've ever done as a couple and a family. Almost there.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Chemo #6 - 3/4 Complete
We are almost there - 2 more treatments to go.
My Dad took me to this treatment and kept me very entertained. We must have played 20 hands of Gin Rummy and he won the vast majority. I'm starting to think playing games during treatment is a bad idea for my 'winning reputation'. We were there for about six hours total.
Dr. Legant met with us in the beginning and went over my numbers. My white blood cell count was very high (which is good) and my liver enzymes were also high (not so good). The good news with my white blood cell count being high, she was able to adjust my Neulasta shot and reduce the amount. We are thinking the pain I've been experiencing with the Taxol treatment is a combination of the new treatment with the Neulasta. I'll be honest - the pain is still pretty intense but the medication (Lortab) helps take the edge off. The liver enzymes - we will wait and watch. My guess is my diet is a 'wreck' and it may simply be reflecting that fact. I eat what I want...when I want and my body is likely putting my poor liver into shock after years of careful dieting.
Right now, we are 'keeping on, keeping on'. There is a rhythm to the madness that we can rely on....treatment every other Thursday with anti-nausea pills for 48 hours. We then switch over to Lortab and by Tuesday, things are settling down. My sleeping improves and I stop keeping Alan up all night long. By the end of the first week, I'm able to work from home more consistently taking calls and responding to email. I work on building strength and then by the second week can actually work about 6 hours from the office Monday - Wednesday. Then...we start again.
I am so excited to be down to the last two chemo treatments with February 14th and 28th marking the days. I know that by the time we celebrate St. Patrick's Day - I'll be feeling better and stronger for the final time. So - bring on the shamrocks!! This Irish Girl will be celebrating the holiday more than any year before.
My Dad took me to this treatment and kept me very entertained. We must have played 20 hands of Gin Rummy and he won the vast majority. I'm starting to think playing games during treatment is a bad idea for my 'winning reputation'. We were there for about six hours total.
Dr. Legant met with us in the beginning and went over my numbers. My white blood cell count was very high (which is good) and my liver enzymes were also high (not so good). The good news with my white blood cell count being high, she was able to adjust my Neulasta shot and reduce the amount. We are thinking the pain I've been experiencing with the Taxol treatment is a combination of the new treatment with the Neulasta. I'll be honest - the pain is still pretty intense but the medication (Lortab) helps take the edge off. The liver enzymes - we will wait and watch. My guess is my diet is a 'wreck' and it may simply be reflecting that fact. I eat what I want...when I want and my body is likely putting my poor liver into shock after years of careful dieting.
Right now, we are 'keeping on, keeping on'. There is a rhythm to the madness that we can rely on....treatment every other Thursday with anti-nausea pills for 48 hours. We then switch over to Lortab and by Tuesday, things are settling down. My sleeping improves and I stop keeping Alan up all night long. By the end of the first week, I'm able to work from home more consistently taking calls and responding to email. I work on building strength and then by the second week can actually work about 6 hours from the office Monday - Wednesday. Then...we start again.
I am so excited to be down to the last two chemo treatments with February 14th and 28th marking the days. I know that by the time we celebrate St. Patrick's Day - I'll be feeling better and stronger for the final time. So - bring on the shamrocks!! This Irish Girl will be celebrating the holiday more than any year before.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Chemo #5 - Taxol
We started treatment #5 with high hopes and some trepidation.
As crazy as it sounds - we knew what to expect from the A/C (Adrimyacin and Cytoxan) treatment and starting the T (Taxol) was like walking into the infusion center again on January 17th for the first time.
Alan took the day off as this treatment can have some serious allergic reactions while being administered and we decided it was best to have him there - just in case we had a medical emergency. The treatment started with anti-nausea medications and Benedryl. I didn't have any negative reactions but was blissfully 'loopy' or 'sleepy'. The appointment itself started at 0900 with lab work and a conversation with Dr. Legant. It was a long day with us leaving at 1600. Alan and I did have a 'Yahtzee' tournament - and he ended up being the champion with a 4 out of 5 victory. I blame the drugs. :)
Afterwards, we went home and I slept hard with all the medications in my systems but unlike A/C - I was not nauseated and didn't smell like I'd ingested 'pool chemicals'. The next two days - were good; some anemia and fatigue but no illness. I was able to walk around, work a little and was thinking this was the best treatment yet. But - then it hit on Saturday. Pain. My joints and muscles were extremely sore. My lower back felt like the early stages of labor and my typical Extra Strength Tylenol wasn't touching it to provide relief. I know it was hard for Alan and the kids to watch me be so uncomfortable. We applied heat and that helped...as well as some rubbing of the back and soaks in a warm tub. On Sunday, I called the oncologist on-call and was given permission to take Lortab. This helped take some of the edge off and allowed me to sleep. G.I. issues also started but we are well versed on how to manage through those.
Now - we rebuild and learn how to manage 'life' in between these new treatments. I am REALLY looking forward to moving on from Chemo and entering the Radiation stage. It is amazing to me how difficult this process is and I'll admit to being back in the 'angry stage' again. Angry for the changes to my life and the impact on my family that I can't control. Angry about all my loved ones, friends, co-workers who've had to endured this - especially those who lost the battle to this cruel disease. This stage will pass and cycle around again - and I'll be back to 'acceptance' or 'grief' tomorrow.
Looking forward to the day when the last person and their family battles cancer or at least has to endure the treatment for cancer.
Much love and thanks to my friends and family for the ongoing support. I'm amazed and humbled by the caring thoughts and the selfless acts of kindness. There is so much good in the world...it eclipses any bad and makes this experience worth it.
As crazy as it sounds - we knew what to expect from the A/C (Adrimyacin and Cytoxan) treatment and starting the T (Taxol) was like walking into the infusion center again on January 17th for the first time.
Alan took the day off as this treatment can have some serious allergic reactions while being administered and we decided it was best to have him there - just in case we had a medical emergency. The treatment started with anti-nausea medications and Benedryl. I didn't have any negative reactions but was blissfully 'loopy' or 'sleepy'. The appointment itself started at 0900 with lab work and a conversation with Dr. Legant. It was a long day with us leaving at 1600. Alan and I did have a 'Yahtzee' tournament - and he ended up being the champion with a 4 out of 5 victory. I blame the drugs. :)
Afterwards, we went home and I slept hard with all the medications in my systems but unlike A/C - I was not nauseated and didn't smell like I'd ingested 'pool chemicals'. The next two days - were good; some anemia and fatigue but no illness. I was able to walk around, work a little and was thinking this was the best treatment yet. But - then it hit on Saturday. Pain. My joints and muscles were extremely sore. My lower back felt like the early stages of labor and my typical Extra Strength Tylenol wasn't touching it to provide relief. I know it was hard for Alan and the kids to watch me be so uncomfortable. We applied heat and that helped...as well as some rubbing of the back and soaks in a warm tub. On Sunday, I called the oncologist on-call and was given permission to take Lortab. This helped take some of the edge off and allowed me to sleep. G.I. issues also started but we are well versed on how to manage through those.
Now - we rebuild and learn how to manage 'life' in between these new treatments. I am REALLY looking forward to moving on from Chemo and entering the Radiation stage. It is amazing to me how difficult this process is and I'll admit to being back in the 'angry stage' again. Angry for the changes to my life and the impact on my family that I can't control. Angry about all my loved ones, friends, co-workers who've had to endured this - especially those who lost the battle to this cruel disease. This stage will pass and cycle around again - and I'll be back to 'acceptance' or 'grief' tomorrow.
Looking forward to the day when the last person and their family battles cancer or at least has to endure the treatment for cancer.
Much love and thanks to my friends and family for the ongoing support. I'm amazed and humbled by the caring thoughts and the selfless acts of kindness. There is so much good in the world...it eclipses any bad and makes this experience worth it.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Chemo #4 - Halfway
Buh, Bye Adrimyacin!! Welcome Halfway Point!
The treatment itself was uneventful. We met with Dr. Lagant and she indicated my 'numbers' are good. We reviewed my side effects and all is pretty much as expected. They include hair loss, fatigue, breathlessness, neuropathy in hands/feet/mouth and gastrointestinal issues.
The breathlessness is probably one of the most disconcerting side effect. Prior to all the 'drama', I felt like I was in pretty good physical shape (for me); exercising regularly and eating healthy. I'll never be a marathon runner or Olympic athlete but I was doing pretty well. Now - I get winded walking into the next room and going up the stairs is the extent of my daily exercise after treatment. This is due to the normal anemia associated with chemotherapy. It is like suddenly being in the body of an 80 year old woman.
Alan went to this round with me and it was nice to have him there. So glad to see the last of the Red Devil being injected. Brittany did confess that the treatments 'stress her out' a bit, so we are going to try and protect her from that experience and have others attend those. I can understand watching your Mom go through cancer treatments would be a bit much for a 23 year old to try and process.
This weekend was quiet and spent it mostly in bed. Alan was very sweet and sat beside me frequently. I'm sure he was bored silly but he definitely brightens the room for me when he is there. I'm also mystified that he can still look at his 45 year old, bald wife with such love and affection. I'm a very lucky woman.
I've been able to work, mostly from home, and am enjoying getting back into the swing of things. It provides me with some welcome diversion and exercises my brain.
We've made the decision to have the second mastectomy. After discussing with my oncologist and plastic surgeon, we'll have to wait until after healing from radiation takes place for that surgery. So the road is long...but am grateful to be on the downhill side of chemo.
Wishing all my wonderful friends and loved ones a FANTASTIC new year.
The treatment itself was uneventful. We met with Dr. Lagant and she indicated my 'numbers' are good. We reviewed my side effects and all is pretty much as expected. They include hair loss, fatigue, breathlessness, neuropathy in hands/feet/mouth and gastrointestinal issues.
The breathlessness is probably one of the most disconcerting side effect. Prior to all the 'drama', I felt like I was in pretty good physical shape (for me); exercising regularly and eating healthy. I'll never be a marathon runner or Olympic athlete but I was doing pretty well. Now - I get winded walking into the next room and going up the stairs is the extent of my daily exercise after treatment. This is due to the normal anemia associated with chemotherapy. It is like suddenly being in the body of an 80 year old woman.
Alan went to this round with me and it was nice to have him there. So glad to see the last of the Red Devil being injected. Brittany did confess that the treatments 'stress her out' a bit, so we are going to try and protect her from that experience and have others attend those. I can understand watching your Mom go through cancer treatments would be a bit much for a 23 year old to try and process.
This weekend was quiet and spent it mostly in bed. Alan was very sweet and sat beside me frequently. I'm sure he was bored silly but he definitely brightens the room for me when he is there. I'm also mystified that he can still look at his 45 year old, bald wife with such love and affection. I'm a very lucky woman.
I've been able to work, mostly from home, and am enjoying getting back into the swing of things. It provides me with some welcome diversion and exercises my brain.
We've made the decision to have the second mastectomy. After discussing with my oncologist and plastic surgeon, we'll have to wait until after healing from radiation takes place for that surgery. So the road is long...but am grateful to be on the downhill side of chemo.
Wishing all my wonderful friends and loved ones a FANTASTIC new year.
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